As I started to look inwards, I realized that I need some sort of motivation, whether through books or snippets of other people's motivational speech or action. Unfortunately, I cannot find the motivation internally, just as the candle requires an external source of ignition.
Reading Atomic Habits has caused to me think deeper into evaluating what I want to achieve in the future, and not let time slip by. And the haunting echoes of my inability to plan properly is gripping my heart. The anxiety.
One step at a time.
The key is really to have 30 minutes to 1 hour a day to check myself mentally. If the motivation wanes, then do something to reignite, to reinvigorate and to revive the motivation. And using Evernote to keep track of the key habits and to remind myself of the goals.
REALIZATION - its almost end of January and I have not really started on my goals.
For February, I need to start on 2 of the goals.
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(I have wanted to write something, and I am starting small. Just write. One sentence. One paragraph. Just write.)
Short Story - Mundane
He gingerly opened the door to his room. He walked in and closed the door behind him. It was a warm day. He switched the fan on. He did not like air-conditioner, as he dislike the feeling of being suffocated and the silence. He like the fan. The sound of the mechanical turn of the fan blades, has accompanied him to sleep for all his life.
It was just another day. Night seems to be good to him. The dark sky, the drowsy streets lit with the lamps, the empty roads, the occasional drive-by of cars. It was the same night after night, as he stared into the ceiling, after trying to get into a comfortable sleeping position. It was a warmer night than usual and the fan was already at the maximum speed. His thoughts started to fixate on the to-do list for tomorrow.
- Make notes on the planning meeting.
- Review the bank confirmations obtained.
- Set up the client dashboard.
- Fees. Yes, need to invoice the Clients.
- ....
This was suddenly injected by a voice.
"你真的不会再回来？"
"留也无处留。瑜贤 不知道以后的路会是怎样，是康庄大道，还是奈何桥。但只知道如果继续留在宫里，根本是死路一条。钮祜禄 旖旎是不会罢休的。”
“本宫就只能祝福你。珍重。”
伊亚桦瑜贤 （靖嫔）快步往 乾清四所而去。富察 媛颖 （颖妃）招了手。兰月 从长廊边走了过来，道：“娘娘这不是送了靖嫔上黄泉路吗？”
“希望上天怜悯，开个泰卦给瑜贤。”
“虽说 天理教 闯入宫里，是时机。但 叛徒 杀人如麻，哪有命能逃出皇宫？小主，此地也不宜久留。需要找个安生之处。”
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Stopping here. Too sleepy to carry on.
